Let me go back to a time that I
wish I could recall. I'm sentimental for
When I could answer more.
I can finally find out what
I've been searching for. Mend the
part that tore. Maybe I want more

Wake up to faces alluding they knew it,
the mistakes that made but refusing to refute it;
I hope to god that I brace this illusion,
I load the fault and degrade this abusive
mentality that I am done. I can't escape the
sequential thoughts that don't overcome.
They have already won. Pull back and
swallow some. Choke on the rest and
retreat to feeling just: kind of numb

Rapid perpetual knots, facets of madness,
it plasters habitual thoughts,
covering the ash in this blasted, inevitable, rot.
Passing it off as, an anecdote, fact but its not.
I rarely take the view that I was given to,
I keep hidden too, I mask the tasks and
signs of the past, as best that I can do, but
laugh in sadness, cry with intention cos
as a residue. I had to have the
lack of attention to feel it
coming through so just

Big man, on the town with stacks and stacks
of projects, sittin around
No time for the weekend, me and these
friends, thinkin bout the old days
got me feeling down
Young boy with the tunes in the dark.
Eminem and Linkin Park
Early rising, honey stars, finna
beat my score in Tony Hawk
Times change, watch it pass you by,
feeling distant, non-existent like a lie,
I just wish I didn't have to grow
or have to go and say goodbye
What I had turned me into what I am
and I feel like that was the plan
But I stay true to what I've been through,
though seasons change, I do what I can

I fantasize a lot, I don't really feel bad,
except I sacrifice the part of me that feels caught,
I don't really see that, I don't wanna heal fast,
I just wanna lie awake and take what I got,
in the moment, everything that I'm not, wanna hold it,
and save embrace cause I thought, that I sold it,
off and on, I'm gone and longing,
pawning anything cause I am
fed up with the coping mechanisms,
Led to wallow waiting in the fold of
holding all that isn't, said the sediment
air of care would wear off but the fair
share has set me in a bed of
recognition, discontentment, vented fiction,
and its friends 'cos we just never intended to learn